Ham Fried Rice

(Read previous post for definition of B.O.B.)

Ok, here’s the irony. I was trying to be polite to my husband’s friend at Costco, and meanwhile unwittingly incurred the wrath of another woman. As I walked over to the condiment station, I saw a man in a wheelchair with a child on his lap. He was trying to get ketchup for his hot dog but the pump was set too far back. (Costco, please note: your condiment station is not ADA compliant.) I offered my assistance, “Can I help you get some ketchup?” He looked up surprised, but said, “Sure,” allowing me to fill my Good Samaritan meter of the day. Within a few seconds, his wife/girlfriend/significant other walked up and cast me the B.O.B. look. I was a bit flustered and embarrassed for not realizing I was treading on another woman’s toes, returned the condiment covered dog to the man and walked back to our table.

As I relayed the story to my husband, I tried to explain her look and he filled in the blank,
“I got the look, it was like…”

“Hey! Get your hands off my husband’s hot dog!”

Literally.

babe. bimbo. bag. Fill in the b-word. Be creative. Try not using the original expletive.

I’m sure most women, myself included, are a bit territorial and insecure to some degree when it comes to their relationships and themselves. With that said, if one more woman tells me they were in love with my husband/thought my husband was hot/knew every girl in school loved my husband when they were young, I am going to vomit the Costco hot dog I inhaled.

Last night at Costco my husband bumped into a former school friend. He knew her in elementary school, junior high and high school. The kids and I were introduced and then came the dreaded, “Did you know every single girl in school LOVED your husband?!!” Translation: I had a crush on your husband but he didn’t marry me, he married you and I hate your guts, followed by a sunny smile.

I have heard this phrase time and again throughout our eleven years of marriage plus two years of courtship. I heard this last summer from a neighbor I met who realized she had attended junior high with Matt. “OMGosh, I knew Matt in school. He was so nice, every girl had a crush on him.” Translation: I wanted to make out with him but he only thought of me as a friend, followed by a semi-sunny smile.

I’ve heard it from parents of his friends. I’ve even been kindly reminded by my husband’s own mother throughout the years that he was a very desired and wanted man. “All the girls just LOVED Matt.” Translation: I could’ve had anyone, ANYONE, for a daughter-in-law, but I got you, followed by a not so sunny smile.

It ended well. I got our food and lead the children to a table, and was joined shortly thereafter by my man. I’m such a lucky girl.

of good manners.

Seriously. What ever happened to good manners in our society? I’ve noticed that fewer people make eye contact, say “excuse me” when walking/brushing/pushing their way past you, or say “please” or “thank you.” And these are the grown-ups. You can imagine the frustration and disappointment I feel when kids act exactly as rude as their parents do. Of course, this is quite ill-mannered of me to even notice and discuss. A well-mannered person would probably just let it go. But perhaps I am not that well-mannered, after all.

I know a group of children who never greet me when I walk in their door. (I see these kids at least once a month.) There is no acknowledgment, no “hello,” absolutely nothing. They look at me and just walk on. You might argue the fact that, well, they’re just kids. (From ages 2 to 8.) But to me it’s a huge sign of the deterioration of a well-mannered society. When I was younger, my parents encouraged/forced us to say hello when we walked into someone’s home. It was an acknowledgment of courtesy and respect. While children may not have the understanding or social grace to say “hello,” or “excuse me” or “thank you,” they model themselves after their parents. And it’s a testament to me of the rudeness of the adults they hang around with. Don’t you think a well-mannered adult would gently encourage their children by suggesting to them, “Can you say ‘hi’ to Karen?” Nothing from the kids, nothing from their parents. Shocker. Conversely, my conscientious neighbors have extremely well-mannered children, who always greet me with, “Hi Karen!” whenever I walk in their door. The contrast is stark.

Last night I called a neighbor to see if any of their daughters babysit. Keep in mind I’ve never talked to them other than saying a polite “hello” when I see them in the neighborhood. After I spoke with a parent, they passed the phone to their 12 year-old. I had no idea until I heard a different voice brusquely asked, “What time do you want me to babysit?” Um, hello? Who the blazes am I speaking with? Doesn’t normal phone etiquette dictate that you greet the person with a “hello?”

Perhaps we need to consider teaching etiquette and good manners in elementary school, along with financial responsibility and proper English grammar. What do you think?

Intolerance.

I know, there’s a bit of irony there. That I can’t tolerate intolerance. I’ve been thinking about this one for a while. As progressive as we Americans like to think we are, it’s unfortunate that all kinds of intolerance still exist in our society. I was severely disappointed during the Republican Caucus race by the number of people interviewed who said they “wouldn’t vote for a Mormon.” What ever happened to the Constitutional right to freedom of religion? It was rarely about Mitt Romney’s political platform (or superbly styled hair) but always about his religion. A few weeks ago I had another rude awakening. I was with a group of people and the following conversation took place

Person 1: “I would never vote for a Muslim.”

Person 2: “He’s not a Muslim.”

This exchange continued for a few minutes with Person 2 insisting, “He not a Muslim.” I had to open my big mouth, “What’s wrong with being Muslim?” And, of course, I received the ignorant answer about how Muslims are radical terrorists. (And I had to explain that not all Muslims are radical terrorists, just as not all white Americans are like the Unibomber.) While witnessing this bigotry firsthand, I couldn’t help but wonder is this person anti-Obama Barack because of religious beliefs, or because he’s black? (Once again, nothing stated about political platform.) And, of course, that leads to the question of how many still think the following:

I would never vote for a black person.

I would never vote for a woman.

I would never vote for a Mormon.

Call it what you will, but it’s bigotry:

1. the stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one’s own.

2. the actions, beliefs, prejudices, etc., of a bigot.

Many of these people I know are supposed Kum ba yah Christians who believe that we are all God’s children. But does that mean we are God’s children as long as we believe in the same God? Or as long as we are the same color or same ethnicity?

I am saddened and ashamed that our society is still so prejudiced, hateful, and biased. It’s hard to be around the dumb asses of the Earth.

Tired of kids, messes, cleaning, cooking.

Tired of hearing crying, shouting, tv noise.

Tired of dark, cold, snow, stuck inside.

Tired of feeling trapped.

Tired of life in general.

I am tired.

Adding to the hypocrisy, I watched the Oscars last night. I know, I know, after that last post you’d think I’d boycott them, but I told you, I just love Johnny Depp way too much. (Since the age of 14…eeeeee.) I really do have a love/hate relationship with Hollywood… love good acting, hate pretentious beliefs and behaviors.

It was a fairly predictable affair, with the single upset of Tilda Swinton winning “Best Supporting Actress” for Michael Clayton. I was ecstatic to see that my favorite couple Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova won for “Best Song.” Once is one of the best flicks I saw last year. The acting, directing, writing and music are all excellent. In fact, you’d probably think it was a true documentary if you didn’t know better. Unfortunately, it’s rated R. Unfortunate because despite the language, it’s a very clean, poignant, well-written film that truly moves you. Meanwhile, you get a bunch of PG-13 crap out there with nudity and all sorts of crassness that makes me wonder about the MPAA rating system.

Hollywood.

As a former resident of Santa Monica of five years, I enjoyed then sun, the beach, and the celeb-gazing. I’ll be the first to admit I become a giddy fifteen year-old all over again in the presence of famous actors (can you say Johnny Depp…eeeee.) During my stay in L.A., I shopped with stars, dined with stars, (all at a distance, of course) and even stood in elevators next to stars. I even had the good fortune to attend Q&A meetings with some of my fave stars, courtesy of some SAG member friends.

Perhaps it’s a proximity thing, but since I’ve moved far and away, I’ve been less intrigued by these same stars and I’ve definitely become more scrutinizing and less forgiving of them. Take this article for example, about celebs going “green” for a pre-Oscar bash. Staged to promote the current trend of “green” environmentalism, the big bash raised a relatively small amount of $420,000, leaving a giant carbon footprint in its wake, which spokesperson Ruben Aronin deemed “worth it.” According to Aronin,

“As a fundraiser, the dollars that are raised are helping us dramatically to reduce carbon footprints across the country through our work to green New Orleans and create a green-building infrastructure here in Los Angeles.”

Puh-lease. The hypocrisy is so thick, I am going to vomit all over myself. These are the same self-centered, self-congratulatory, self-serving people who are chauffeured around town all day in giant non-hybrid SUVs, fly around the country in giant planes, live in gi-normous party mansions and while they’re eating organic, I seriously doubt that their illegal maids are cleaning with organic. I also find it highly improbable that these new star moms are using cloth diapers. Have you ever tried to scrub fecal matter from cloth? Or maybe their maids do it for them. (Please excuse the bitter sarcasm. I have major issues with my kids and their poop.)

In fact, the propagandist hype surrounding “green” environmentalism strongly reminds me another type of propaganda. Can you say, “Comrade?” According to the dictionary, one definition of communism is:

A system of government in which the state plans and controls the economy and a single, often authoritarian party holds power, claiming to make progress toward a higher social order in which all goods are equally shared by the people.

Doesn’t Aronin’s statement smack a little of “we should all progress towards the same goal for the shared good by all people?”

I believe in recycling and eliminating post-consumer waste. I believe in walking when you can, but it’s easy in the city (ever try carrying ten grocery bags home on your stroller handles? Andrea and I did it every week with our kids) and not so easy in the suburbs. I do the best I can to teach my children to not be wasteful and to be resourceful. But I also believe in choice. And I still have to live my life in the best way that I can. And I certainly can’t afford a hybrid Prius, let alone a hybrid SUV, or solar panels for the roof of my house. I love good acting and good films, but I think Hollywood needs a reality check. The rest of the country doesn’t live like you. And the only reason you’re in business is because of us “non-green” peeps.