Ham Fried Rice

“Hey, do you guys know how to butt bounce?”

From a 7 year-old neighbor to my 5 year-old, while jumping on their trampoline.

Hair.

I was going to wait until I lost 10 lbs of baby weight but I decided to preempt the fat and lose the hair first. I chopped off 3 inches and feel lighter already. Undone, unkempt, long hair is like clutter. It clings to you, making you feel heavier and look fatter. That’s my theory, anyway. But the clutter theory belongs to organization guru Peter Walsh. Check out his book Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? on Oprah. His “two bags a day” works wonders. I tried it before Christmas and losing all that clutter made my house energy feel so much better. You’ll never know, unless you try it…

Did you hear? Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows will be split into two films. Hurrah and huzzah! In the words of Lewis Carroll, “O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! He chortled in his joy.”

Oh Play Doh, how I love you!
I love the feeling of your freshness,

When I open your new can.

Your soft and supple form,

So pliable in my hands.

As you entertain my children,

I dote upon you, friend.

For giving me an hour’s repose,

While they play again and again.

I’d like to sing your praises,

With more poetry and prose.

But, “Alas!” my infatuation ends,

When my daughter shoves you up her nose.

by Karen Liu, copyright 3.06.2008

Yes, it’s true. My two year-old started to cry. I ran over and she pointed to her nose. Upon inspection, I noticed bright pink Play Doh up one nostril. Needless to say, we took a trip to the doctor’s office, but all ended well. Apparently she cried so much she snorted it up and swallowed it. So nothing stuck in the nose. Good-bye Play Doh. You are hereby banned from my home.

An actual ham fried rice recipe… maybe the same one my father and I made for seventy people the other day, but only if you’re lucky.

Grocery List:

• Green onion
• Eggs (probably 2)
• Ham (I dice deli meat. Maybe 1 cup.)
• Mixed vegetables (I prefer the frozen peas and carrots mix. Or just peas. Not beans.)
• Cooking oil
• Salt and pepper
• White rice (I’m testing the amount of cooked rice I need.)

Instructions to follow.

Just imagine. Straight-to-your-front-door diaper delivery. No tussle of putting kids into car seats, no hauling the three-ring circus around town. It’s a mom’s dream come true. I rarely speak about mom stuff, but I have to give “props” to my friend Michelle for introducing me to diapers.com. They offer free shipping for orders over $50 and a $10 off coupon (promo code PTG6) for new customers. Here’s what I got:

J&J nursing pads / $6.99 x 2 (Target & Walmart are usually out of these. Grrrr.)

160 ct Pampers cruisers /$38.99

44 ct Huggies Princess pull-ups /$17.99

8 ct (2 pk) Gerber Pears /$10.49

While the unit prices are slightly more than Walmart and Costco, they’re comparable to the local grocery store. And honestly, I’d happily pay to not drag three whiny kids to the store just for baby stuff. All this for $71 bucks and PREMIUM UPS delivery which means it’ll be here in a couple of days. It’s better than anything I’ve dreamed about lately.

Today my father helped me make ham fried rice for seventy people for Matt’s cub scout banquet. It took him a whopping three hours to cook it in several batches. As he rested while I cooked a batch, instructions flowed from his mouth like wisdom flows from Confucian annalects, and yes it was all in Chinese:

“Heat the oil, not too cold or you will taste the rawness of it. Now, add the rice. Let the rice just rest in the oil. You don’t need to stir. That’s the secret. Just let the rice be. It will heat up slowly and then separate on it’s own. You must have patience with the rice.”

Can rice be it’s own entity? Apparently so. That is the tao/dao of it.

To learn more about the Tao Te Ching / Daodejing, check it out here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tao_Te_Ching